Relational and Family-Integrated: The Shepherd’s Church Distinctives (Part 10)
In this series, Pastor Kendall Lankford and Deacon Dan Hult elaborate on the distinctives of The Shepherd’s Church, so everyone who worships with us, visits us, or lands on our webpage will know who we are, how we are, what we are, why we are, and what they can expect.
A SEMINARIAN DILEMMA
In what seems like a lifetime ago, the Lankford family's moving truck stopped in a Gordon-Conwell parking space in a quaint little town called South Hamilton, Massachusetts. It was here that we would embark on a new adventure called seminary. Yet, it wasn't long after the last box was unloaded from that truck and brought up into our undersized and overpriced New England apartment that a fatal flaw in the American seminary model was exposed. From the moment we arrived on campus, I saw basically two kinds of people pursuing their Master of Divinity degree. There was the erudite scholar type who lived in the library, had bags under their eyes, and barely saw the light of day from studying themselves ragged. For them, this degree would not be their terminal degree but a stepping stone to ThMs and PhDs, which meant that every grade, assignment, and paper was a matter of life and death. Admittedly, I fell into this trap for much of my seminary career.
Then there was another kind of person, perhaps the pure opposite of that first kind, who darkened the seminary halls. This was a well-tanned social butterfly, unburdened by three-letter acronyms like GPA, who lingered in the cafeteria long enough to make the scholar types anxious. Most of their time was spent building friendships and relationships, serving in their local churches, and dreaming of the day when school was over so they could get on with the real business of doing ministry. For them, the degree was also a stepping stone, not to an advanced degree, but to a deeper purpose: ministering to people.
It was precisely here that I saw the problem. Instead of these two groups existing independently of one another, shouldn't they be a single group? Where in Christendom did the "Love God with all your mind" crowd becomes divorced from the "Love your neighbor as yourself" crowd? I was baffled. Why were some future pastors more concerned with theology than people, while another group of future pastors was more concerned with people than theology? Shouldn't all pastors be the very best of both? Yet, here I was, witnessing an extraordinary and very disjointed divide.
And if that were not strange enough, this divide seemed to carry over into whole churches and denominations. For instance, some groups, like the "frozen chosen" Reformed types, reminded me of the erudite scholarly crowd in seminary who were not really great with people. And then there were others, like the non-denominational, big-bucks-Baptist types, who threw lavish parties on Sunday morning but could not think their way out of a wet paper bag… At least not Biblically. This concerned me since both qualities seem essential to ministry, which is why The Shepherd's Church strives to do and be both things well.
Therefore, since we have already covered the theological underpinnings of The Shepherd's Church in previous Distinctives posts (which you can find here), we will now begin to describe how and why we are striving to be a relational church as well.
A RELATIONAL CHURCH
At The Shepherd's Church, we reject the notion of lone-ranger Christianity. Biblically, such a concept doesn't exist. The Church is always described in communal terms, with plural pronouns emphasizing how she is a communal and collective gathering. Consider the metaphors used to describe her: she's called an ecclesia and a community, a body with many parts, a flock with many sheep, a nation, a Kingdom, an assembly, and a gathering, which all point to corporate and communal aspects of the Church. These images aren't just poetic—they drive home a crucial point: our American and Western individualism falls woefully short of the biblical vision and should be repented of if we are to be healthy.
For us, this isn't a preference; it's about conviction—rooted deeply in Scripture and stretching all the way back to Eden. From the very beginning, God designed humanity to live in community. In Genesis 2:18, God declared, "It is not good for the man to be alone," underscoring our innate need for relationships. This theme doesn't fade as we leave the garden. It continues through the family of Abraham (Genesis 12:1-3), Isaac (Genesis 26:3-4), Jacob (Genesis 28:13-15), Judah (Genesis 49:8-12), and the nation of Israel (Exodus 19:5-6).
In the New Testament, the Church didn't abandon these Old Testament familial bonds but deepened them. For instance, the early Church was a close-knit community of grace, united in faith and practice as they worshiped God together. Acts 2:42-47 vividly illustrate this reality in how believers devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching, shared meals together, prayed together, and lived in constant fellowship with one another. This was no superficial gathering—it was a genuine community where relationships were deep, needs were met, and Christ's love was powerfully experienced by a group of people, not just individuals. The New Testament reinforces this through repeated commands to love, support, and serve one another, underscoring the importance of strong, relational connections within the Church.
Paul's metaphor of the Church as a body further highlights our interconnectedness—each member is vital to the health of the whole, just as the parts of a body rely on one another. Jesus' prayer in John 17 echoes this idea, as He asks the Father for His followers to be one, just as the triune Godhead is one perfectly. This is just scratching the surface, but enough to demonstrate the point.
At The Shepherd's Church, our commitment to being a relational church isn't just a concept—it's a reality that flows out of God's nature. It is who the Church is called to be in Scripture and who God calls us to be in space and time. All of this points to the fact that if we do not prioritize relationships as a primary feature of this Church, we will fall woefully short of the Biblical vision for who and what a Church is.
HOW DO WE ATTEMPT TO BE A RELATIONAL CHURCH?
Here are a few examples of how this plays itself out practically in our community.
Staying After the Benediction: We encourage our members not to rush out after the benediction but to stay and engage in the community. The time after the service is an opportunity to build relationships, catch up with one another, and support each other. This practice reflects our belief that the Church is not just about attending a service but about being part of a family.
Praying for One Another: When prayer requests are shared in the service, we expect the entire Church to pray for those needs throughout the week. This commitment to intercessory prayer is a crucial expression of our relational identity as we bear one another's burdens and seek God's help on behalf of our brothers and sisters.
Meals in Homes: We prioritize hospitality by regularly planning meals in each other's homes. The pastors also host frequent meals in their homes, inviting the whole Church to join. These gatherings are not just social events but opportunities to deepen our relationships and share life together as a church family.
Balanced Bible Studies and Fellowship Gatherings: Our Bible studies and fellowship gatherings are designed to strike a balance between study and fellowship. We believe that growing in knowledge of God's Word is vital, but it must be accompanied by growing in our love for one another. Our gatherings are structured to foster both spiritual growth and relational depth.
Regular Feasts: We hold regular feasts to emphasize the importance of fellowship in the life of the Church. These feasts are times of celebration, where we enjoy good food, laughter, and the joy of being together as a church family. They reflect the festive nature of the Kingdom of God and express our communal identity.
Cultivating Friendships: We work hard to cultivate friendships within the Church, recognizing that these relationships are vital to our spiritual growth and well-being. We encourage members to invest in each other's lives, be intentional about building deep and meaningful relationships, and see the Church as a family that enjoys spending time together.
A FAMILY-INTEGRATED CHURCH
One of The Shepherd's Church's most remarkable and defining features is our unwavering commitment to being a family-integrated church. This isn't a decision we've made lightly or out of mere preference; instead, it's a deeply rooted conviction born out of our understanding of Scripture and our vision of what the Church is meant to be—a unified body where every member, regardless of age, is fully included in the life and worship of the Church.
From the moment you step into our Church, you'll notice that we don't separate families when it's time to worship. There's no shuffling the children off to a different room while the adults engage in "real" worship. Instead, we believe that every person, from the youngest child to the oldest adult, is an essential part of our congregation. This is not only a reflection of our relational identity but also one of the most tangible ways we live out our belief that the Church should genuinely feel like a family.
Biblical Foundation for Family-Integrated Worship
The Bible consistently presents children as full participants in the covenant community, and this inclusion extends into the worship and life of the Church. In the Old Testament, children were never an afterthought or an add-on; they were considered covenant members alongside their parents. They were present in the sacred assemblies and expected to participate in the religious life of the community (Deuteronomy 31:12-13). This wasn't just a nice idea but a vital aspect of their spiritual formation.
The New Testament doesn't change this pattern. In fact, it reaffirms it. For example, in Ephesians 6:1, Paul directly addresses children within the gathered Church, showing that their presence and participation were expected in the corporate life of the Church. There's no biblical command to segregate children from worship; instead, the scriptural model includes integration and inclusion.
The Glorious Fruit of Family Integration
But being a family-integrated church isn't just about keeping kids in the service—it's about fostering a community where every member of Christ's body is seen as valuable and essential. In a world that often divides and categorizes, our approach stands as a powerful testimony to the unity and inclusiveness of the Church.
This model naturally strengthens family bonds. When children worship alongside their parents, they're not just observing faith in action but participating in it. They're being discipled in real-time, within the context of the gathered community. It also deepens the sense of connection within the Church as a whole, as all members—regardless of age—are seen asintegral parts of one family.
This integration leads to stronger individual families and a stronger church. As families grow together in their faith, the entire church community becomes healthier and more vibrant. Like a body that always has a mixed multitude of young and old cells, so too should a healthy church be comprised of young and old members.
Living Out Our Relational and Family-Integrated Identity
Our commitment to family-integrated worship profoundly shapes how we live out our relational identity as a church. Here's what that looks like in practice:
In Worship: Children are not just present; they're active participants. They watch, listen, and engage with the Word, the prayers, and the songs. This isn't just beneficial for their growth; it enriches the entire worship experience.
In Community: Our family-integrated approach goes beyond the Sunday service. It permeates our entire church culture. We emphasize hospitality, with families regularly opening their homes for meals and fellowship. Church-wide gatherings are always open to all ages, reinforcing the idea that we are one family in Christ.
In Discipleship: We believe that discipleship begins at home. Our model supports parents as the primary disciplers of their children. By keeping families together in worship and in the life of the Church, we create a context where children grow in their faith alongside their parents, learning what it means to follow Christ.
In Relationships: The integration of families into the entire life of the Church fosters deeper relationships, not just within individual families but across the church body. Older members have opportunities to mentor younger generations, while children learn to respect and value the wisdom and experience of their elders.
Our family-integrated worship isn't just one of the ways we express our relational identity; it's the most potent and profound way we live it out. It's a vivid demonstration of our belief that the Church should be a place where everyone, from the smallest child to the eldest member, is loved, valued, and welcomed. In this way, we become a family in Christ, united in our worship, relationships, and mission.
CONCLUSION
At The Shepherd's Church, we have sought to bridge the divide I once witnessed in seminary between deep theological understanding and vibrant relational ministry. We believe a church should not have to choose between loving God with all our minds and loving our neighbors as ourselves. These two callings are not at odds but are beautifully complementary. The heart of our ministry is to be a place where the profound truths of Scripture are explored with passion while at the same time fostering a warm, welcoming environment where every person feels like they belong to a family.
Our commitment to being a relational church is deeply intertwined with our practice of family-integrated worship. These two aspects of our church life are inseparable, reflecting a unified vision of what the Church is meant to be. By keeping families together in worship, we are not merely preserving a tradition; we are living out the biblical vision of the Church as one body, where every member, regardless of age, is essential and valued. This integration is a powerful expression of our relational identity, enabling us to embrace the truth that the Church is more than just a collection of individuals—it is a united family, growing together in Christ and embodying His love in every aspect of our lives.
