"I Am Proud Of You" The Five Words Every Man and Boy Needs To Hear
If there is one thing we do not have today, it is a culture of healthy, joyful, and vibrant masculinity. We have adult males with facial hair, wear flannel, drink black coffee and beer, and have sired children. But, under the veneer of rapidly decreasing testosterone, most men struggle to know what it means to be a man. And who can blame them? After decades of culture mocking men, ignoring them, shaming them, calling their masculinity toxic, over medicating them, and trying to emasculate them into effeminate wusses, is it any wonder we are seeing such a dearth? I think not.
But, as I have been thinking about this problem, I do think there is a very simple solution. You see, at the heart of masculinity is not hangovers and Harley Davidsons, not grunting and hunting, and not even risk taking and hard working. At the very center of what it means to be a man is this innate and unshakable desire to provide for a people and have that people be proud of him. Those five little words "I am proud of you" have motivated men to the most incredible acts of valor and honor this world has ever seen, and the lack thereof has caused a vacuous hole in many men that no booze, workaholism, or passivity will ever satisfy. These five little words can rewire a man’s soul.
Words that can silence the chaos in his mind, straighten the slump in his spine, and put the fire back in his bones. Words that can undo decades of silence, failure, or shame:
"I am proud of you."
And tragically, they are words most men have never heard. Behind the scowl of the aggressive man is often a boy who never heard this. Behind the slouch of the passive man is often a son who was never affirmed. Behind the bravado, the performance, the perfectionism, the overwork, the escape, and the rage (and a host of other presenting behaviors) there is often one missing voice: a father who is beaming with pride.
This is the epidemic we rarely name. Not COVID. Not cancer. But father hunger—a gnawing ache in the heart of men who have never been blessed.
Some had absent dads. Others had silent ones. Some had dads who only spoke to criticize. And so, they entered manhood without the sacred confirmation every man needs: that he is seen, respected, and celebrated for being a man.
Women long to know they are loved and cherished. But men? Men long to know they are respected, needed, and admired. They long to know their work matters. That their presence counts. That their life bears weight. That someone—someone they love and look up to—is proud of them.
THE BIBLICAL ROOT
This is not mere psychology. It is theology. The first words God the Father ever speaks to the incarnate Christ are not commands—but blessing:
“This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased.” (Matthew 3:17)
Jesus hadn’t yet preached a sermon, healed a leper, or walked on water. But He had the blessing. And that blessing carried Him through the wilderness, through betrayal, through crucifixion. The Father’s affirmation wasn’t earned. It was bestowed.
And every man made in God’s image is designed to crave the same. The world gives men metrics. Performance reviews. Likes. Trophies. Salaries. But the soul of a man does not run on metrics. It runs on meaning. And nothing imparts meaning like a father’s voice.
Without that voice, men become haunted. They chase approval or abandon the chase altogether. They fear failure and sabotage success. Some shout their worth into the void. Others whisper their pain in private. But every man—strong or soft, rich or poor—needs to hear it:
“I see you. I respect you. I am proud of you.”
SOCIETY’S SCORN OF MEN
But our world despises that kind of manhood. The kind that longs for honor. That bleeds for blessing. That rises when called.
Today’s man is told to sit down, shut up, and apologize. Fathers are sitcom buffoons. Masculinity is labeled toxic. Boys are drugged for being energetic. Husbands are mocked. Strength is suspect. Authority is oppressive.
In the name of progress, we have castrated the culture. And now the sons of Adam wander through the ruins, searching for a voice that sounds like home.
But it’s not just the world’s fault. Many churches have failed men too. They talk about sin and softness but never strength. They warn men not to be abusive but never call them to be righteous warriors. They critique manhood without commissioning it.
The result? A generation of men who don’t know if being a man is a blessing or a curse. So they guess. They cope. They fight. Or they flee.
THE COST OF A MISSING BLESSING
Without blessing, men become broken. Timid men flinch at the helm—not because they’re weak, but because no one ever knighted them. Aggressive men dominate—not just because they’re evil and fallen short of the glory of God, but because they’re starving to prove they matter.
Workaholic men burn themselves out—trying to earn five words they never heard. Passive men become shadows in their own homes—never told their presence carries weight. Unblessed men either fight for attention or fade into the background. But either way—they are dying for affirmation.
And when a man dies on the inside in this way, he doesn’t just suffer alone. The hole in his soul creates a realm of curse that His wife feels, his kids feel, His church feels, and the entire culture feels. The absence of a father’s voice becomes a generational wound that poisons individuals and toxifies the earth / dirt that the men were made from.
THE GOSPEL OF A FATHER’S VOICE
But the Gospel offers something the world never can: A Father who speaks. A Father who does not leave sons to earn their way into love, but gives them full adoption and full affirmation in Christ:
“See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are.” (1 John 3:1)
In Christ, we are not merely tolerated. We are treasured.
And God the Father is not silent about these things. He thunders from heaven—not just over His Son—but over every son joined to Him by faith:
“Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your master.” (Matthew 25:21)
Those words aren’t reserved for superstars. They are spoken to faithful sons. And every man in Christ can receive them. You don’t receive those words because you’ve fought hard enough. You receive them because Christ fought for you. The sinless Son heard the silence of God, so you could hear His delight. The perfect Son was dishonored, so you could be affirmed. And because you are in union with Him, what God says about Jesus is also true of you:
“This is My beloved son… in whom I am well pleased.”
LET THE CURSE BECOME A BLESSING
So here is my charge:
Fathers—Bless your sons. Not just when they win, but because they’re yours.
Wives—Affirm your husbands. Your words carry extraordinary weight.
Pastors—Speak life into men. Call them to battle. But also bless them for showing up.
Brothers—Build one another. Enough with sarcasm as your love language. Use honor and valor to weaponize each-other for the battles we will face as men.
And to the man still waiting to hear those five words—I will say them now: I am proud of you.
Not because you’re perfect. But because you’re present. Because you are fighting. Because you’re still standing. Because Christ died to make you a son, and the Spirit lives to make you strong.
Let the blessing that was withheld in your youth no longer be a curse for you! Let the wound begin to close. Let the silence be shattered.
And let the voice of your Father—your true Father—be louder than the world, the enemy, and the scars.
If you are in Christ, the same pride He has for His Son, He now has for you.
