Honey Coated Lies

The Honey-Coated Lie

For most of my life, I’ve been a lover of words. Words have the power to inspire, shape minds, soothe hearts, and spark revolutions. They are tools, weapons, and instruments of praise. With them, kingdoms rise and friendships are forged. But as James reminds us, words can also be like a blazing fire—just as capable of destroying as they are of building. One of the most subtle and destructive sins of speech is flattery.

Flattery is a lie forged in a bitter honeycomb. Sweet to the taste, yet rotten at its core, it feels like a gentle, loving kiss—but rarely do we notice that it comes from the serpent’s lips.

What makes flattery so insidious is that it doesn’t strike head-on or attack quickly. It is a slow, seductive dance that invites you to participate in your own manipulation. Flattery makes you your own worst enemy by feeding your pride, stroking your ego, and giving you just enough pats on the back to make you joyfully swallow its poison.

You don’t even realize you’re being attacked because, in the moment, it feels so good. The words boost your confidence, inflate your sense of self-worth, and offer you a fleeting sense of satisfaction. You willingly buy into the lie because it gives you what you already crave: approval, admiration, appreciation, or even power.

But flattery, like milk left out on the counter, will eventually sour, revealing itself in all its curdled, repulsive glory. Sooner or later, the truth will emerge. Either the person manipulating you will achieve their goal, discarding you like an empty vessel, or you’ll fail to meet their desires, and their mask of sweetness will fall away, exposing the venom beneath. In either case, the sugary exterior evaporates, leaving behind a bitter aftertaste in your soul—a twisted blend of anger, regret, and shame.

Yes, you’ll be furious with them for their betrayal. But, like Edmund in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, you must also face an uncomfortable truth: you devoured their flattery as eagerly as he consumed the Witch’s Turkish delight. You let the sweetness cloud your judgment, ignoring the warning signs because of how good it felt in the moment. While the flatterer bears responsibility for their deceit, you must also own your part. You feasted on the lie, and now you must reckon with the sour consequences of breaking the Ninth Commandment.

At its root, flattery is a direct violation of the Ninth Commandment: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). Flattery distorts the truth by turning exaggerated praise into a tool for selfish gain. It is effusive and insincere, so detached from reality that it becomes abominable to God. As Psalm 12:2 warns, “They speak falsehood to one another; with flattering lips and with a double heart they speak.”

Scripture doesn’t shy away from condemning flattery, identifying it as a weapon of manipulation, a tool of the wicked, and an affront to the God of truth. From the treacherous whispers of Absalom to the smooth-talking deceivers of Jude 16, flattery is shown to be both destructive and deceitful.

Absalom is a vivid example of flattery’s dangers. In 2 Samuel 15:1-6, he strategically flattered the people of Israel to win their loyalty and undermine his father, King David. He told them what they wanted to hear, affirming their grievances and presenting himself as the solution. Though his words seemed warm and affirming, they were laced with betrayal, ultimately leading to rebellion, division, and devastation.

Psalm 5:9 offers an even darker warning: “Their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue.” This chilling metaphor portrays flattery as a tomb, swallowing truth and burying it beneath layers of deceit. Like the serpent in Eden, flattery whispers half-truths and outright lies, enticing its victims away from God’s righteousness and into sin.

The New Testament is equally clear. Jude 16 rebukes false teachers who “flatter people for the sake of gaining an advantage.” Their words may seem kind, but their motives are as crooked as a thief’s hands. Proverbs echoes this condemnation: “A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin” (Proverbs 26:28). Flattery is rooted in hatred and selfishness—it destroys trust, manipulates relationships, and leaves harm in its wake.

At its heart, flattery mocks the God of truth (John 14:6; Numbers 23:19). It aligns us with the devil, “a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44), whose tactics always involve deception and manipulation. Flattery may appear polite and caring, but beneath the surface lies a black heart, motivated by self-interest and deceit.

In stark contrast, Christ never flattered. His words, though sometimes difficult to hear, were always truthful and aimed at leading people toward righteousness. As His followers, we are called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), not to distort reality for personal gain.

When we flatter, we manipulate others and participate in a sin that Scripture consistently condemns as destructive, deceptive, and deadly.

Flattery is not just a sin we read about in Scripture; it is a sin we encounter in everyday life. While the Bible gives us examples like Absalom and warns us about its destructive nature, flattery’s reach extends far beyond ancient Israel or the false teachers of the New Testament. It sneaks into our workplaces, friendships, and even our homes. And often, we don’t even realize it—whether we’re the ones giving it or falling victim to it.

For instance, have you ever told your boss, “You’re the best leader I’ve ever had,” when you were really just hoping they’d approve your time-off request or consider you for that promotion? Or maybe you complimented a coworker on their “amazing insight” during a meeting, not because you meant it, but because you wanted them on your side for your next project.

Flattery isn’t limited to the workplace. Have you ever buttered up a friend by saying, “You’re always so generous,” when what you really wanted was for them to cover your dinner tab or loan you something they’d been hesitant to share? Or perhaps you’ve told someone, “You’re the most talented person I know,” because you were angling for their help or looking to win their favor.

At home, it can be even more personal. Maybe during an argument, you told your spouse, “You’re absolutely right,” not because you agreed, but because you wanted to end the fight and avoid further tension. Or maybe you’ve told a family member, “I couldn’t do this without you,” not as a heartfelt admission, but as a way to keep them invested in a task you needed their help with.

Each of these moments might seem small or inconsequential, but they are not. They are honey-coated lies, crafted to manipulate others into doing what we want. In flattering others, we aren’t serving them—we’re serving ourselves, often at their expense. And in doing so, we violate the Ninth Commandment and mock the God of Truth Himself. Flattery, like a blade hidden behind a soft smile, cuts deeply. It weakens trust, erodes authenticity, and leaves scars on both the flatterer and the flattered.

But there is hope, even for those of us who have spoken honey-coated lies and manipulated others with our words. Flattery may wound and distort, but the gospel is the balm that heals and restores. Scripture does not leave us condemned without offering the way of redemption. Yes, Psalm 12:3 warns that the Lord will “cut off all flattering lips,” but the same God who judges sin also extends mercy through Christ.

Flattery is rebellion against the God of truth, yet Christ never rebelled. He never flattered. His words were always true, always loving, and always aimed at glorifying His Father. And yet, He willingly bore the judgment for every false word we’ve spoken, every selfish motive that has hidden behind a smile, and every deceitful double heart. On the cross, Christ paid for it all, so that even flatterers like us could be forgiven.

This is the good news: the gospel doesn’t just expose our sin—it cleanses us from it. Flattery doesn’t have to define us. Through Christ, we can be transformed into people of truth, people whose words build others up instead of tearing them down. But this transformation begins with repentance.

Repentance is not a heavy burden—it is a gracious invitation. It begins with honesty, as we bring our flattery and deceit to God and confess the selfishness behind them. But it doesn’t stop there. True repentance moves us forward. By God’s grace, we are empowered to replace flattery with sincere encouragement, to speak the truth in love, and to honor God with our words.

If you’ve felt the sting of conviction, don’t despair. Run to Christ. His arms are open, His grace is sufficient, and His Spirit is ready to help you live a life that reflects His truth. Let your words no longer be tools of manipulation, but instruments of love and life, pointing others to the One who is Truth Himself.