Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

-1 Corinthians 6:18-20, ESV

Recently, we discussed the household gods of the “yard sign creed”, but there is a much more prevalent idol: sex. Our culture views unrestrained sexual indulgence as a right, necessity, and even virtue—and worshiping this idol has upended much that God created as good.  It has become so central that “sexual orientation” is more important for many people’s identity than being made in God’s image as male or female.  God designed marriage as beautiful, but it restrains sex so society regards it as ugly and obsolete.  Scripture repeatedly emphasizes the necessity and blessing of children, but society sees them as worthless and unfortunate byproducts of sex—and discards them accordingly.  Despite the tear-inducing stories of desperation often told by those who scream “my body, my choice”, the vast majority of babies murdered in the womb are slaughtered because their parents want sex without consequences.  But there is a much more prevalent form of this idolatry that has so thoroughly infected most churches that the majority of men and even many women at least sometimes indulge in it: pornography.  What was once hidden behind the counter or restricted to seedy stores is now accessible anywhere at any time on any device, even popping up unsolicited.  Many have simply accepted it, denying or downplaying its destructive effects on individuals, marriages, families, churches, and society.  Others recognize the dangers but only shame those who struggle without offering any help to fight it. We need to get serious about fighting against this great evil, which is our topic this time.  Next time, we will see how that seriousness drives a strategy to achieve victory.

The Big Problem with Porn

We must address pornography because the sheer scale of the problem is destroying our churches.  One study found that 68% of churchgoing men and over 50% of pastors regularly view porn.  As a result, 69% of pastors say porn adversely impacts their churches and 57% say porn addiction is the most damaging issue for their congregations.  A major reason porn is so common is that many people view it as harmless or even beneficial.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Porn is very harmful in part because it is very addictive, making it just as destructive in the life of an addict as any drug or alcohol.  Contrary to popular belief, porn is also emasculating: “Porn and masturbation in tandem are a great engine of our modern plague of effeminacy in men. And this happens while the man concerned is being lied to—the porn makes him feel like he is running a surplus of testosterone”.[1]  Porn also gives men wildly unrealistic expectations by portraying women as acting like men and being just as desirous of sex as men, so it is detrimental to married men in their own marriages and single men in preparing for marriage.[2]  Pornography like any other sexual sin is a sin against a man’s own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).  It is also a sin against its victims: the women it objectifies for the pleasure of strangers.  We have previously seen how it is hateful to identify anyone as anything other than a person made in the image of God, but porn reduces God’s image bearers to mere bodies existing solely for pleasure just as Judah sinfully viewed Tamar.  When a man watches porn, he is summoning a woman to be dehumanized, denigrated, and abused in his presence for his viewing pleasure.  Can there be a greater insult to her or her Maker?  So when a man views porn, he is sinning against God, himself, and the woman whose body he is coveting. 

But he is sinning against someone else who is often forgotten: his wife.  God created sex among other purposes to be immensely pleasureful for a husband and wife within the confines of marriage.  Not long after exhorting the Corinthian men to cease the common practice of visiting temple prostitutes because that was sin against their own bodies and against Christ (much like porn today), Paul says this: “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:1-2).  Paul is echoing the wisdom of Solomon.  Proverbs 5-7 warns of the dangers of pursuing the adulteress (literally “foreign” or “strange” woman) and exhorts the young man to instead be content with his own wife:

My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol….Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

-Proverbs 5:1-4,18-20, ESV

The contrast couldn’t be any clearer.  One of the main reasons people struggle so much when fighting sin in general and pornography in particular is that they focus on stopping the sin but fail to replace it with righteousness (Ephesians 4:22-23). When we only flee the sin, we leave a void that sin can readily enter.  Therefore, we must also redirect our energies toward the opposite righteousness.  In this case, fighting lust (and the porn we use to feed it) requires not only “bouncing the eyes”, installing blockers and accountability software, or other mere “put off” techniques.  It requires understanding that porn is not only destructive in the long run—as Solomon says all sexual sin is—but even its short-term pleasure pales in comparison to what God provides in the righteous practice of sex within marriage.  Rather than being led astray by strange women—porn is the epitome of that—men are to be so delighted in their own wives that any other woman would lose all appeal.  Seeking sexual satisfaction solely from each other is a critical component of marriage, so if either spouse seeks sexual satisfaction in any form outside of the marriage, it necessarily impacts the other spouse.  When a married man views porn, he is communicating that he is not satisfied with his wife and must find other women to “meet his needs”.  This is incredibly hurtful and denigrating to her: “Men who would never physically hurt their wives will deeply hurt them within through their use of pornography”.[3]  Otherwise good men destroy their wives this way, just like Elkanah.

The Rivalry Caused by Elkanah’s “Needs”

When contrasting Hannah who was made to feel worthless with Eli’s sons who really were worthless, we saw that Hannah was relentlessly and viciously abused by Elkanah’s other wife Peninnah right under their husband Elkanah’s nose.  Elkanah’s situation is actually quite similar to that of many men who struggle with porn today.  He was a rare righteous man who rightly worshipped God during the time of the judges when most Israelites did not.[4]  Similarly, most men in our churches who struggle with porn appear righteous, giving no indication of the familial strife their sin is creating.  Elkanah most likely married Hannah first, but because she was barren she was unable to meet his need of an heir.  Seeing no alternative, Elkanah married Peninnah.[5]  In doing so, he joined the ranks of Abraham, Jacob, and Gideon who introduced much heartache into their lives through polygamy.  While polygamy was accepted in the ancient world and regulated under the Law, it was still a distortion of God’s design for marriage, so Christ made it obsolete in the New Covenant.  Elkanah was not sinning by pursuing this marriage, but like the other polygamous men in Scripture, he exemplifies why polygamy has always been unwise and suboptimal.[6]  We can conclude that the primary purpose for that marriage was children, so Elkanah maintained greater affection for Hannah but used Peninnah to meet his needs that Hannah could not.  This caused the strife between Hannah and Peninnah as they envied what the other had—much like Leah and Rachel.[7]  Each woman’s “failure” was kept fresh by the presence of the other: Peninnah’s presence and children reminded Hannah of her failure to satisfy Elkanah with children, and Elkanah’s much greater affection for Hannah reminded Peninnah that her children were essentially Elkanah’s only satisfaction with her.  While this does not excuse Peninnah’s terrible treatment of Hannah—after all, our sin is never the fault of anyone else—we should feel compassion for the unenviable position of both women.[8]   

This rivalry caused immense pain, especially to Hannah.  Elkanah seems oblivious to his role in causing that pain.  He tries to address Hannah’s sorrow by essentially saying that he should be worth more to her than anything Peninnah could provide.[9]  He was expecting her to be satisfied with him when he was clearly unsatisfied with her despite everything he said to the contrary.  That dissatisfaction was causing Hannah’s pain.  The husband’s God-given rolesinclude being his wife’s protector and provider, so Elkanah failed as a husband because he did not protect Hannah from Peninnah’s abuse.  And by entering into a polygamous marriage, he failed to adequately provide emotionally and spiritually for either wife, which spawned their rivalry in the first place.  In short, all of Elkanah’s affection for Hannah was negated by the fact that he was not satisfied with her and had brought another woman into the relationship to rival her.  Essentially, that is what a married man does when he views pornography.  With every click, he displays dissatisfaction with his own wife and seeks fulfillment from outside the marriage, thus making every objectified woman on the screen into a rival for his wife.  Every time a married man views pornography, he is betraying and abusing his wife, and no amount of affection will change that fact.  He may say that he loves her, but the plethora of virtual rivals he is bringing into the marriage say the opposite.  It is just as bad for men who are unmarried.  Unless unmarried men can escape the clutches of porn, they like Elkanah to Peninnah will be bringing a wife into a situation in which their affections are already divided.  Unchecked, this will destroy a present or future marriage, so porn is incredibly serious and must be treated as such. 

Fighting Porn at the Root

Now that we see the seriousness of porn, how do we fight it?  Its severity may be enough to dissuade those who rarely indulge in porn, but those addicted to it will simply feel more guilt and shame.  Like any other sin, we must attack the root.  One reason pornography is so hard to fight is that it is not the root problem but simply one way of feeding lust: “What the Bible calls lust creates a considerable demand, and pornography is simply one of the modern market’s attempts to produce something which will meet that demand.  The problem is not outsideourselves….The problem is within—even within believers”.[10]  To fight porn we must start by fighting the lust that leads to it: “Viewing pornography is typically the last step on a long road of sexual sin.  A dozen other things have gone wrong in your heart and mind by the time you actually look at porn.  You will not have victory over pornography until you first have victory in the battles that come before you look”.[11]  Every downfall into viewing porn results from several steps and often multiple ignored safeguards.  In the case of porn addiction, those steps constitute a well-worn path.  If we can identify where that path starts, we can intervene to stop the process long before the first click. 

There are many possible trailheads that lead to porn use.  Sexual lust is certainly one, but others include boredom, feelings of uselessness, disappointment, loneliness, stress, and feeling “down”.[12]  Any of these can start a man down the path to porn, so recognizing which a man is prone to will help him recognize the pattern and take appropriate measures.  We also need to ensure we have a biblical rather than cultural understanding of porn and our relationship to it, meaning we must reject the lies of porn.  The first is that sex is a biological need requiring an outlet.  God has promised to give us everything we need (Matthew 6:24, 2 Corinthians 9:8, Philippians 4:19), so if He has not given something to us we don’t need it.  Therefore, it is possible to be content without sex: “Dethroning sex from its biological need status has enormous implications. It means a man can desire sex, but he does not require it to be happy and fulfilled”.[13]  Contentment is possible—and absolutely vital—to fighting porn, whether married or single.  This also means that contrary to popular belief, life is not about sex.  Marriage can be helpful in fighting porn but it does not make the problem disappear.  It often magnifies what is already there, so a porn problem in singleness will be exacerbated in marriage.  Another lie is that porn is inescapable, and failure is inevitable for those trapped in it.  While occasional failure is quite likely, a defeatist mindset is detrimental to the will-power, self-control, and perseverance required to successfully fight porn (or any habitual sin for that matter).  It is best to take it one day at a time.  The pressure of never again falling into porn is too great, so focus on not giving in today, then do the same thing tomorrow and so on.  Finally, we must believe that forgiveness is possible.  Habitual porn use brings guilt and shame—and to some extent it should—but that should drive us to Christ not away from Him.[14]  We already saw that Judah forgot Tamar’s humanity much like all men do when they view porn. But when his sin was revealed, his repentance was immediate and comprehensive. He literally turned his life around after that. Let that be an encouragement for everyone struggling with porn: forgiveness is possible. When we sin, especially habitual sins, our first breath should be used for repentance but our second should be used to praise God and thank Him for the salvation that is ours in Christ: “Guilt is a blessing when it takes us to the cross. The cross is for the unworthy”.[15] 

In short, porn is very serious, and we must treat it as such.  It is destroying countless individuals, marriages, churches, and ultimately society.  Like Elkanah, most men are unaware that their porn usage is abusing their wives (or future wives) like Hannah by introducing a plethora of rivals like Peninnah.  Elkanah will stand up at Judgment with this generation and condemn it, because he sought to meet his “need” in a non-sinful way, while so many men today meet their selfish and shortsighted “needs” through porn, which is sinful in every way.  Next time, we will lay out a strategy to achieve victory over porn, whether married or single.  But for now, start by taking your stand.  Men, you now see the enemy, so stand up and fight: suffer no rival for your affections.

NOTES:
[1] Douglas Wilson, Get the Girl: How to Be the Kind of Man the Kind of Woman You Want to Marry Would Want to Marry, Moscow, ID: Canon Press: 2022: 115-116.

[2] Douglas Wilson, Reforming Marriage, Moscow, ID: Canon Press: 2005: 94.

[3] Stuart Scott, The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing: 2002: 358-359.

[4] Meredith Faubel Nyberg, “Elkanah, Father of Samuel,” ed. John D. Barry et al., The Lexham Bible Dictionary, Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press: 2016; Gordon J. Keddie, Dawn of a Kingdom: The Message of 1 Samuel, Welwyn Commentary Series, Darlington, England: Evangelical Press: 1988: 17-18.

[5] John Peter Lange et al., A Commentary on the Holy Scriptures: 1 & 2 Samuel, Bellingham, WA: Logos: 2008: 49; John Gill, An Exposition of the Old Testament, vol. 2, The Baptist Commentary Series, London: Mathews and Leigh: 1810: 411; David Tsumura, The First Book of Samuel, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament, Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing: 2007: 108.

[6] Mary J. Evans, The Message of Samuel: Personalities, Potential, Politics and Power, ed. Alec Motyer and Derek Tidball, The Bible Speaks Today, Nottingham, England: Inter-Varsity Press: 2004: 23–24; Matthew Poole, Annotations upon the Holy Bible, vol. 1, New York: Robert Carter and Brothers: 1853: 514.

[7] Robert Jamieson, A Commentary, Critical, Experimental, and Practical, on the Old and New Testaments: Joshua–Esther, vol. II, London; Glasgow: William Collins, Sons, & Company, Limited, n.d.: 135; Gordon J. Keddie, Dawn of a Kingdom: The Message of 1 Samuel, Welwyn Commentary Series, Darlington, England: Evangelical Press: 1988: 18-19.

[8] Mary J. Evans, The Message of Samuel: Personalities, Potential, Politics and Power, ed. Alec Motyer and Derek Tidball, The Bible Speaks Today, Nottingham, England: Inter-Varsity Press: 2004: 25; William Garden Blaikie, “The First Book of Samuel,” in The Expositor’s Bible: Samuel to Job, ed. W. Robertson Nicoll, vol. 2, Expositor’s Bible, Hartford, CT: S.S. Scranton Co.: 1903: 8.

[9] Meredith Faubel Nyberg, “Elkanah, Father of Samuel,” ed. John D. Barry et al., The Lexham Bible Dictionary, Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press: 2016; John Peter Lange et al., A Commentary on the Holy Scriptures: 1 & 2 Samuel, Bellingham, WA: Logos: 2008: 49-50; William Garden Blaikie, “The First Book of Samuel,” in The Expositor’s Bible: Samuel to Job, ed. W. Robertson Nicoll, vol. 2, Expositor’s Bible, Hartford, CT: S.S. Scranton Co.: 1903: 7.

[10] Douglas Wilson, Fidelity: How to Be a One-Woman Man, Moscow, ID: Canon Press: 2012: 21-22.

[11] Heath Lambert, Finally Free: Fighting for Purity With the Power of Grace, Wheaton, IL: Crossway: 2013: 63.

[12] Bruce Baugus, “Pornography and Ministerial Candidacy,” Puritan Reformed Journal 10:1: 2018: 267-268.

[13] J. Alasdair Groves, “Exposing the Lies of Pornography and Counseling the Men Who Believe Them,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling 27: 1: 2013: 10.

[14] Ibid: 9-17.

[15] Ibid: 17.